


Of the Stars and Sea

by misaffection



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 15:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misaffection/pseuds/misaffection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McKay's POV through <i>Duet</i>.</p><p>Originally posted on LJ, Jun 6th 2007.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of the Stars and Sea

I’m making mistakes. The knowledge burns in my gut and no amount of excuses are cutting it. They are very valid excuses; I am tired, I am under extreme stress. Who wouldn’t be carrying another consciousness in their head?

Talking of her, Cadman is currently dozing. I know this because she’s not commented on anything for a good half hour. I can be thankful for that at least; that she didn’t witness me making a fool of myself. She already knows I am though.

Her dreams brush against my mind, but I fight the temptation to intrude. I lock her away, push her awareness back and attempt to concentrate on the simulations again. I cannot help the bitter wish that she’d extended a similar curtsey to me. However, it’s a fleeting thought as I feel… lighter right now than I have for most of the day. There is obviously less strain on my synapses when she’s sleeping

The whole situation is beginning to get to me. I suspect it’s getting to her as well. We have fought over everything, for no reason other than we seem incapable of simply agreeing. Half the time, I haven’t even known what we’ve been fighting about. I have just stuck to my corner, holding the ground I have because I don’t know how to do anything else.

I don’t understand her. I make no pretence to do so. People have never been my strong point; my strength is in science and physics. Tangible things that I can take apart and study, not the transient human things like emotions and loyalties.

And yet we have spent a night together. I know precisely the number of women I have done this with, and with my thoughts drifting in that direction I’m even more conscious of holding up the walls between my mind and hers. But it is curious to be so intimate with someone when you know nothing about them.

I cannot read her thoughts, like she can’t read mine. I’m not sure if this would be easier if there was that connection, or if it would be even harder. I have felt some emotion from her; irritation, anger, and fear. I have not been supportive, which makes me feel a little guilty, but I have been so lost in just coping, I haven’t known how.

Plus, I doubt Cadman would make anything of it other than a joke. I wonder whether her constant sniping is just to make me think she’d strong enough to handle this. I believe she is, but what do I know? How can anyone be prepared to have their consciousness removed from their body and accidentally implanted into another’s?

She stirs slightly and every thought freezes. I don’t wish to waken her so I cocoon her consciousness with mine, soothing and comforting, or so I hope. I might have it right, because she curls up within me, provoking a deep sense of protectiveness and at that moment I know I am willing to do whatever it takes to see her safe.


End file.
